Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Alarming Behaviour

JV: Hello Dan. You are a multiple alarmist of extreme proportions. Describe your morning process.

Dan: Well I have a mobile phone on vibrate under the pillow and then I have a dual alarm next to the bed. I have a wind up alarm clock on the other side of the room and I have the TV set at a certain time. Then I’ve also got an alarm set in the kitchen so that I have to get up.

JV: Now what time’s the vibrating mobile set for?

Dan:  2:30

JV: Oh 2:30 so…did you ring last week?

Dan: No.

JV: So are you a baker or something?

Dan: No, no, no. I work in the military but I have to be up by 4 and 2:30 is when I start the alarm process and slowly wake up. I sort of feel ripped off if I haven’t had multiple alarms.

JV: Don’t you just need a single call from a bugle?

Dan: (laughs) No, it takes me ages to get up.

JV: Aren’t you meant to be military ready? Y’know Dan , at the moment the enemy is coming,  you’re meant to just snap awake?

Dan: The alarm’s louder.

JV: So you have eight alarms?

Dan: Eight alarms yeah and I’ve gone down to one once or twice. The better half’s tried to convert me and it hasn’t worked.

JV: How could the better half even stay there if every day you’re doing this between 2:30 and 3?

Dan: Um…she’s amazingly patient. (laughs) I wouldn’t like to live with it.

JV: Amazingly patient. See you know and recognise the problem. You’ve got one on the other side of the room so do you get up, cross to the other side of the room, and then get back into bed?

Dan: Yeah.

JV: Oh man, I’d smother you with a pillow at that point.

Dan: I just feel like I’m getting more sleep that way. I don’t know why.

JV: Why don’t you set for 3 o’clock and just get up?

Dan: No, I’ve got to ease into the process mate.

JV: So your sense is that you’ve got to move slowly, you can’t just get straight out?

Dan: Yep. That’s it. That’s me to a T.

JV: Wow. Gee that’s an interesting foible isn’t it? Are you thinking of getting a job that perhaps starts at 8 in the morning?

Dan: No, I like the current job thanks. 

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