I Used To Be The Cat

JV: What do you live with Glen?

Glen: It’s my wife. She talks to our cat which is...okay a lot of people talk to their animals, but on the rare occasions in our happy household that there’s a bit of anger perhaps directed at me or one of the children, it could be mid-sentence copping a serve and the cat will walk in and the mood just changes and it’s (puts on happy tone) ‘how are you going today?’ Very happy.

JV: (laughs)

Glen: It’s like the cat can do no wrong and I often wonder what I need to do.

JV: To be more like the cat?

Glen: To be more like the cat, yeah.

JV: Well maybe you should eat out of a bowl on the floor or something?

Glen: Perhaps. And just sleep all day and come in when I want to be fed.

JV: Start doing a bit more of that. Y’know roll over. ‘Rub my tummy.’

Glen: Yeah and then I get a bit crook and get taken off to the vet.

JV: So she talks to the cat. Does she have conversations with the cat?

Glen: Like a human.

JV: Like it’s a human.

Glen: Yep. Yep, basically. I’m only making this call because I know she’s not listening. As I say, myself or one of the kids could have done something wrong...

JV: ‘Glen I asked you to do that earlier why haven’t you done it?’

Glen: Yeah exactly, and then the cat walks in and it's all ‘Oh hello big boy, here you are, what have you been doing today? How’s it been sleeping for 18 of the last 24 hours?’

JV: You’re jealous of the cat.

Glen: Probably, yeah. But...maybe I used to be the cat.

JV: Oh?

Glen: Well yeah held in as high esteem as the cat.

JV: Gee that’s interesting.

Glen: It doesn’t bring any money into the house and it doesn’t do anything around the house as best I can see. Just eats and sleep.

JV: And gets the most favoured treatment.

Glen: Yeah.

JV: Are you in the dog house often so that she has to talk to the cat like that?

Glen: Well yeah I’ve got a habit of saying the wrong thing a fair bit but 19 plus years and we’re still going. You’ve just got to do your best James. Sometimes that’s good enough and sometimes it’s not.

JV: How long’s the cat been around?

Glen: He’s 10.

JV: Could be a few more years of the cat.